This is another post that I find particularly difficult to write. Stuck in grief seems to be another hot topic in our society. Following is a common scenario:
Your spouse dies
At first there is a lot of support. In the first stages of grief the loss can be shocking and your body and mind are working over time trying to process the sudden loss. Your spouse may be all you can talk or think about and likely is the main topic of conversation to others. Lots of people understand this part, but after time, family and friends start to move on. They may start to wonder why you still are talking and thinking about them. For you, the grieving individual, you are frozen in this moment of grief as you process it.
Then slowly, you learn to move forward through counseling, reading grief books, finding others whose spouses died and talking with them, or your own way. To your family and friends everything seems fine, they are happy to see you move forward.
One day, you may mention your spouse to these family or friends, or they may come to your home and see pictures or your spouse’s things still displayed around the house. They may look askance if you have a small area set up in your home dedicated to your spouse. They think you are “Stuck in grief.” In fact, some may think I myself am stuck in grief since I am writing this blog.
But what is Stuck in Grief? What does that mean to you?
To me stuck in grief means that you cannot move forward from the day your spouse died. Thoughts of that day consume you. You cannot sleep. You withdrawal from family and friends completely. You feel guilt at feeling happiness or smiling. You feel guilt when trying something new without your spouse. You feel all of these things and keep feeling them.
It is normal in the grieving process to want to move forward. To feel happiness again and not feel guilt. To try something new and not feel guilt. However, if you cannot do this when you (not your friends or family) are ready then it is time to seek counseling or a grief support group.
These professional groups will help you learn to carry your grief forward in a way that allows you to live fully again. You will learn to be gentle with yourself and your grief journey. You may also learn how to navigate questions from others as to whether or not you are “stuck in grief.”
In the meantime, keep those pictures of your loved ones on the wall. Keep their things on display. Things do not dictate if you are stuck in grief.
You got this my friends. Always be true to yourself.